I don’t really care if anyone reads this or not, it is my diary and while I will not tell all online, I intend to be a bit more direct in saying things than I normally would be.
So here goes…
Somehow I am going to have to stop caring what people think of me. I have talked about it before, but I still have difficulty in breaking out of the mold I was made in. I think I have to live up to the expectations of what I think other people think of me, and most of all, what my parents think of me.
The judgemental tone of my upbringing has always made me uncomfortable and I think that I trying to keep the peace too much when I just conform to it.
Being 53 means that I should be my own person by now, but I am still very influenced by the weight of maintaing an image, an image I know isn’t real, and even though who I really am is not all that different, it still is different than what I live.
No one lives the life of another person. The entire life experience is so individual that it is hard to imagine people would ever assume to have to live up to some vision of how one should be.
It isn’t even like anyone really cares at all. My parents care, but that is about all, but they are also the ones I allow to hold me back and the ones I still get angry with all too easy.
I know I must be different, but who, how? Follow the heart and keep a clear mind.
This realasxes me….good night!