Trust: What is it?
dictionary.com defines in part as ...
- reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence.
- confident expectation of something; hope.
- confidence in the certainty of future payment for property or goods received; credit: to sell merchandise on trust.
- a person on whom or thing on which one relies: "God is my trust".
- the condition of one to whom something has been entrusted.
- the obligation or responsibility imposed on a person in whom confidence or authority is placed: a position of trust.
- charge, custody, or care: to leave valuables in someone's trust.
- something committed or entrusted to one's care for use or safekeeping, as an office, duty, or the like; responsibility; charge.
Trust is a big deal in life. In fact, it is one of the principle factors in determining success as a human being. Think about it for a second. How does anyone get hired for a job of any kind without trust? How can anything go well without it?
First of all, trust is earned, not inherited. Each person is responsible for becoming a trustworthy person. In fact, it is the basis on which people value others.
Therefore, in everything you do you should have as your guiding principle of building trust.
- Will you show up? Will you be there when you say you'll be there?
- Can people trust you not to hurt them or harm them?
- Are you capable of holding a position of authority or responsibility.
- Will you be there tomorrow? The next day, next week, next month?
- Can people depend on you to do what you say you are going to do?
I believe that there are areas that we cannot be trusted in which are fair and reasonable, and we should never claim to do something we aren't 100% committed to no matter how much one may want to or not.
Do not agree to do something you are not committed to doing 100%. If you do commit to something 100%, then decide it isn't for you, it is necessary to make a clear decision and separate yourself from it 100% and to declare it.
People want to know who you are, what you are about, and if they can trust you. If you claim to be something you are not, then you are sabotaging your trust and devaluing yourself.
It is a practice that is best started early in life, and a path on which one should base their life's decisions.
There comes a time when a certain role you are playing becomes too much. There is a saying " The dose makes the poison." In other words, you can consume poison and not be hurt by it to a certain degree, but there comes a time when the dose becomes too much and the poison can kill you. It is like the straw that broke the camel's back.
There are situations in life that you cannot escape. You have agreed to something and the circumstances are such that there is no way to opt out of that situation, so even when it can kill you, figurately of course, you have to endure. This of course does not include any kind of physical abuse situation.
Often it isn't what, but the "how long" is this going to continue, that makes life difficult. That is when trust really kicks in.
How much loss can you endure to hold up your commitment to something? Should you? Is it admirable?
Trust is the truth we have to tell ourselves about what we are willing to commit to. If you know in some dark corner of your consciousness that you cannot hold up a promise in some way, it is absolutely imperative that you announce it and stop it. Because people can trust someone who admits they can no longer uphold a promise when they are up front about it, but you can't trust a person who out of a false sense of duty continues to claim they are committed to something and they aren't. No matter how much it hurts to do it, you have to be honest about your commitment.
I'm writing this out of self evaluation and not to point any fingers anywhere else. I'm asking myself if I can trust myself to do the right thing for myself? Can we keep a promise to ourselves, and should we hold ourselves to it?
Admittedly I have a commitment issue. In the moment I make a commitment. I suddenly have the feeling of having imprisoned myself to something, and that feeling of not being able to free myself from something makes me want to be free of it all the more and it doesn't matter what it is, and it has really nothing to do with what it is, but my feeling of imprisonment.
This attitude has not served me well. It is like entering a room, and then looking for the door the entire time you are in the room.
But the damage isn't done when you then finally free yourself from what imprisons you that is critical, it is the damage and pain you experience while you are in the room looking for the door. It means you aren't where you are at all, you are not really present.
Whenever I signed a full time contract at a theater I was happy to do it, but I was also always thinking of the next job, the next thing, and I spent a lot of time trying to go somewhere else. I was always in a hurry to move up the ladder, instead of standing on the rung I was on and mastering it. It is a bit overstated here, but in general it was my state of mind.
However, what does that say about me and whether people can trust me or not?
It doesn't say much about me does it? Even though I always fulfilled my contract, except in two cases which were the stupidest decisions of my life, I still didn't particularly like having to ask the boss if I could leave town, or do a guesting. In this case I am talking about acquiring an Urlaubschein to leave town during my contract period.
Getting an Urlaubschein wasn't actually about asking permission, it was about making sure everyone knew I would not be in town during that time and where to reach me. Sometimes you had to ask permission if you were in production with rehearsals and performances, but that is understandable and still it was about making it possible to schedule the work so you could go do something.
Hindsight is 20/20. When I look at the present day situation with jobs out in the marketplace, you quickly realize that trust is a really big deal and that it runs both ways.
If you want to trust yourself to do the right thing for yourself, then it is absolutely paramount that you do everything you can to place yourself in the highest position possible in whatever area you are going in to. If the requirement to be a Medical Doctor is going to Med School and doing a Residency then that is what a Medical Doctor does.
The mistake people make in life is to think that they don't have to do anything to get paid a lot, so they spend the rest of their lives having to work for minimum wage. Nobody over the age of 25 should be working in minimum wage jobs. Yet, people have go the idea that raising the minimum wage is going to help those people. It isn't, they are still going to be doing the same work and have no chance to better their situation. At 25 that isn't so bad, but at 60 it is a tragedy.
No matter what it is you do, if you don't possess trust then you are sunk. Life will be a real challenge, and you will not be up to it.
Be true to yourself, be true to others...always.