I was wondering about therapy and if it really helps much. I was wondering about talking to my friends about issues in my life and if it does any good. I was wondering if we can actually solve any problem by thinking about it over and over and over again.
I am beginning to believe that all of this does not help much and actually may bring more difficulties than it solves.
Yes it is good to get things off your chest. But what have you really accomplished by doing so? Not much really.
I my therapy sessions years ago I learned a lot about the motivations and practices of my parents and the church towards me growing up. All of it was meant to help me become a good person. However the best intentions can also cause the deepest wounds when used the wrong way.
I will say that part of the healing process when you figure out what people did to you growing up is to understand them and then ultimately forgive them. Not for them, but for myself.
Ruminating over the same thing over and over again does not bring you closer to happiness nor does it really solve any problem. It just serves to punish your mind even further.
What is Rumination?
In psychology Rumination is the habitual thinking about negative thoughts by yourself or with others.
I do this a lot. It is a habit I have to break. But what is the habit about really?
I think this habit causes us to spend our time thinking and not doing.
It reminds me of a record player that gets stuck on a record, where it just repeats over and over again the same passage of music. The music never reaches an end, it just repeats the same thing and you never move forward. It is stuck.
Rumination is just like that. We get stuck on the same thoughts and never move forward, nor reach a conclusion, nor solve any problem...we just keep repeating the unresolved issue and soon that is all you ever hear.
Sometimes life holds us in ransom.
On one hand it would be simpler to get out of remuneration if there wasn't something holding a ransom on our lives. Someone or something has control over you in some way and possesses something that is rightfully yours. Because of this you cannot break loose of the situation. You are held at gunpoint because of it and it won't let go of you because it is so dear to you. That is a difficult situation.
There are many situations that are like this in life for a lot of people. It is very damaging to everyone involved, yet it continues. I think the only way to solve this is to really get a plan to resolve it and stop talking about it all the time. If it isn't resolvable then I think you have to drop it and move on. The problem is that unless there can be something real done about an issue there is no reason to continue thinking about it. It may be painful, but rehashing that pain over and over again is only making the price of it higher and the price is our own happiness and joy for life.
Advice
When we need help we ask for advice from our friends and acquaintances. But unless one is able to actually offer an actionable plan there is little use in trying to solve someones pain through ideas pulled out of spontaneous thoughts. They result in superficial suggestions that are usually trite and not actionable. All advice is well meaning, but it doesn't mean it actually helps, then you get caught up going over things that make it worse.
The video at the link below offers good information about dealing with depression and the part that rumination plays in it. I think it is worth watching.
I have long been in the habit of rumination and I will now try to free myself from it and focus on actionable things I can do to move my life forward.
I think a lot of this stems from the idea that we aren't good enough, that we always have to work on personal development and we have to do or believe a certain way. This brings a lot of self-doubt with it and while that isn't a bad thing, we spend a lot of time and energy examining everything we do until we stop doing anything until we don't do anything in fear of doing something wrong.
You cannot steer a boat that is not moving forward.
I am addicted to rumination. I have to stop it. I must move forward and get things done.
Fear of the future, guilty about the past, stuck in a groove and can't get out. This is no way to live life.
It seems like it is better to have a real problem than a mental one. A real problem is that the grass needs mowing so the solution to that problem is to mow it. But with rumination is the grass is all in your mind, you try to cut it mentally and it is still there no matter how long or often you think about it.
Do things with people a lot more than have conversations with them. Conversations just lead to a black hole. It is tiring and useless. The wisdom is, there is no wisdom, only action.