When I started writing and posting blog posts and sharing them on Facebook, my Mom would always tell me how much she loved what I would post.
But, of course, she is my mother. What does she know, right? She isn’t an objective observer at all. So, when we would talk on the phone I was grateful for her support and encouragement, but I told her it was natural for a mother to like whatever a son would write or post.
This is what she told me about that.
She said, “Your posts pick me up and give me hope and if that is all they do in the world and even if I am the only person who feels that way, isn’t it still worth doing? I need your strength, your optimism and it makes me happy when you involve yourself in sharing positive thoughts and inspiring images on the internet. If I feel that way I know that others will too. So, never stop doing it. It is part of what this world needs the most.”
My mother passed away this past January and her illness and death were a very difficult thing for me to witness. I hadn’t ever witnessed such a critical illness and death first hand before. Somehow, it wasn’t as awful as I thought it would be, but much of that is due to the immense grace she demonstrated in the face of her own demise.
We would spend time together watching Jeopardy, the Wheel of Fortune and other things she enjoyed watching. I would play some recordings of me singing and she loved those pieces very much. She cooperated, begrudgingly, with going to the hospital to get transfusions to keep her alive and I guess at the end she just got tired of it but she never complained or dragged me down with it. She was ready for death and to be reunited with her mother and her sister which she lost when she was only 4 years old.
I don’t know if anything I do touches anyone. I don’t know that my posts have that element of zealous optimism they once had. I don’t know if I can again muster up that kind of optimism again because sometimes the world is so ill with the insanity of the ages.
If for no other reason than to fight against that insanity I will continue to write and now from a place of knowing loss and despair.
Maybe my words can give someone hope. Maybe pictures I post will bring a smile to people’s face or a video I do be the source of some hidden wisdom that can help them. I don’t know what my thoughts are worth, but I know that my mother loved them and if for no other reason but to honor her I will continue to write.
The truth is, when I am in the creative process my mood lightens and I feel more passionate about life. In my book Boredom to Brilliance I state that without an artistic mission I am like a boat without a captain, just drifting around in the world in a sea of meaninglessness.
So, to my Mom I would say that at least some of my posts will be as if I was writing to her, up in heaven with the loving God who has granted her eternal peace and the infinite love of a son. I hope she likes it.