Vanity: A healthy state of being.
When I look in the mirror I want to like what I see. It isn't a matter of accepting myself for just being me, it is a matter of being who I believe I should be. What is the difference between being the person you are and being the person you believe you should be? There is no difference.
We are who we make of ourselves out of what has been given to us from the cradle.
I just turned 60. Obviously there is no going back to the man I was at 30. I don't have the time, the voice, the energy, the strength, the quickness nor the desire to do what I did at that time. It would be irrational to believe that at 60 there is any way to recover the me of the past. Plus there is little time to create a new me out of the person I have become now.
So, when I look in the mirror I have to realize that vanity isn't a bad thing as it was deemed to be in the days of youth. No, vanity at 60 is not only important but a necessity.
When I went to the doctor here in Bowling Green, Kentucky in 2008 when I needed to be treated for laryngitis ahead of the Western Kentucky University Symphony Concert on Homecoming weekend I weighed in at 180 pounds. 12 years later and my weight is 250 pounds. These past 20 years have been very difficult, the past 10 years have been a calamity. In these years I developed acid reflux, sleep apnea, and probably some form of depression. The stress of a failing relationship, the hair-brained idea of moving back to the USA, and trying to uphold a transatlantic marriage all simply wore me down.
Never mind that I was singing my best during the years of my 40s, from 2002 - 2008. The stress in my life was immense and I had gotten into bad habits along the way.
So, today, I look in the mirror and see myself still looking potentially okay, but realize that it is important to me to look well-groomed, well dressed, strong, fit, and definitely not 70 pounds overweight. Either I become okay with the way things are, or I change them.
A lifestyle change requires self-motivation, self-determination, and self-management.
There is no such thing as a temporary fix. It has to be a way of life.
There is no matter of going on a diet or exercising more, it is a matter of becoming a healthy eater, not eating crap, and becoming an athlete. It is also a matter of becoming a writer, a musician/pianist, and an entrepreneur. I have to dress well, look good, and get my act together or the rest of my life will be spent as a slob.
All of this takes organization, management, desire, motivation, creativity, and above all the realization that "the Cavalry isn't coming"! There is no time to be tired, feel weak or give up and there is nobody there to push me or even help me. It is all up to me.
Whatever it takes to become motivated, to become excited, to become industrious, and to become a force is what I need to do. Then daylight is burning, the days are flying, and the years are churning away. If I am going to save myself, it has to start now, and it has to start fast.
As I sit here and almost pass out because I am tired in the middle of the afternoon, I realize that I have to get the balls rolling earlier in the day and get as much done before 12 as possible.
There is no time to allow to slip by anymore and I can't allow life to distract me.
This may all seem selfish, but it is really about becoming full again so I can be of benefit of others.