I can't remember the last family reunion I attended. It has been so long ago.
This year I will be attending a family reunion based on the family of my maternal great grandfather's family. As I write this I can't even tell you how many children they had. My Grandfather was one of them, and his name was Carl. There were Gertie, Olie, and Elmer. I think there was Frank too, and if my memory serves we visited him near Washington D.C., but I may be wrong about that.
This family is very talented and intelligent. They can build anything. In fact, one of my Mom's cousin was an engineer for Disney in building Disney World in Orlando already 60 years ago. My Grandfather built their house in Alaska and a solid structure it is. I have always felt comfortable around the Bandy family and the times I have spent with my cousins are some of the fondest, if brief, memories I have.
My family, my Mom, Dad, and brother, was sort of insular. We lived in Bowling Green, Kentucky, and none of our relatives lived very close to us. Since Dad's family was in Union County, Kentucky, we spent most of the time going there to celebrate holidays. Today, I wonder if we would have gone there so much if not for the hospitality of Uncle John Bundy, Aunt Nacky(Nancy), and Aunt Jenny(Virginia). The Wynn house was also the center of the R. E. Wynn family's bond.
Now, that house and farm belongs to another family, and a deserving family. But, as it turned out, none of the Wynn family's offspring were farmers except for one grandson. Everyone else became successful professionals in different areas of work.
Oddly enough, Mom's mother and father were from Scottsville, Kentucky. It is about a 30 minute drive from Bowling Green. But, when the Bandy clan packed up and moved to Florida en masse back in the 30s and 40s, they too moved to Florida. My maternal grandmother was named Dorothy Barger, but we know nothing about this family at all other than the friendship we had to her best friend Burnette, whom we nicknamed Aunt Bunny, who lived near Franklin, Kentucky.
I'm looking forward to the Bandy Family Reunion and hope to better understand the structure of that family and who is who in it. Because of the geographical distancing of family members seeking their life's ambitions in places other than their origin, families don't play a role in their member's lives like they used to.
Maybe that is good, and maybe not. I remember during a summer festival in the most charming Tuscan town of Barga, Italy, I would be talking to someone and they would seem to say hi to practically everyone around. When I asked about it they invariably would say, "They are my cousin."
This wasn't much different than the Union County, Kentucky family ties with the Wynns, Simpsons, Wesleys, and the Tuckers had for us. My brother and I, and especially Mom, didn't know these people as well as they knew each other simply because we weren't there.
I don't have a family. I am single...well, divorced, twice, and have no children. In fact I never saw myself as being a father or the head of a family. It was never a dream of mine. It was completely my mother's dream to have a family, because her family growing up was not ideal, basically because her father would rather go to war than take care of his daughter. But, the truth is, being in the Navy was the best paying job he could get at the time. So, did he have a choice. I don't know. My mother's mother died when in 1940 so Mom was shuffled around the family until my Grandfather got remarried and luckily she was a great person who basically raised Mom by herself in a small lean to house in Lake City, Iowa, far away from any other family at all.
Now, when I look at life, I see the reality that the world has shown me. What I now realize is that family is the most basic social structure that exists. The number one influence on a person's life is family, either because of it or a lack thereof. No matter where you are, no matter what culture or political structure surrounds you, it is the family which is the primary source of security one can have.
Certainly, there are many problems that exist within families, but I believe the benefits far outweigh the difficulties.
Therefore, "If I knew then what I know now" as the saying goes, I would have married for the purpose of having a family. I'm not saying marry before you know what your "career" will be, but once you have your career going it is time to build a family because that is what makes life "real". That affects the decisions you make in life because it isn't just about you. I think you make better decisions this way.
I'm so fortunate in my life to have friends who treat me like their family. It is an honor. I hold these people so close to my heart. These people I met mostly through my career and they mostly live in Germany. So, in a way I have a German family as well.
But, the genetic family is something different and something I undervalued. Some of this was due to my Mom's philosophy that blood sometimes runs too thick and that it is your dear friends who make the biggest difference in your life. While this is true in many respects, there is another element of stability that a genetic family gives you and it should be nurtured.
In our busy lives it is difficult to keep up with everyone appropriately and when you are attending to your own family's needs you lose contact with others I think. Those of us who don't have that have the time and the brain space to participate in the lives of others.
All of this brings me to another point. Marriage between two people is also a joining of two families. It is a pretty big deal, if you want it to be. Marrying someone from a different country, part of the country, or different religion, or race...or anything...makes this more challenging. The distances, the difference in ways of thinking, and traditions to go along with all of that all make for a more complicated existence.
So, now when I consider that state of the nation, and the world and all of the socio economic issues that face the world, I believe that taking a new focus on family would be the healthiest recipe for healing the world because people wouldn't feel so cut off, alone, and exposed to the forces of nature that exist.
I have often wondered what could be created from a coordinated effort by people from just my family. Wouldn't we be able to accomplish much more as a unit than everyone going it on their own? I wanted to keep the farm together and grown the business as a family so that future generations would be able to participate in growning that business, but nobody was interested in that. Everyone does their own thing and as a result, life is more difficult for everyone.
When I took "The Old Testament" in college my professor said something that I will never forget. He said, "The Old Testament" is a history of a nation, a geneology of a family, and the establishment of a religion with its laws and ethics. This class changed my perspective on life. There is a lot about family in the Old Testament. The decendancy of Kings, the prudence of business, and the philosophy of a way of living which protects you because of the laws but also because of the traditions and practices.
My Uncle John Bundy never married. He was the only son of the vaunted R. E. Wynn. He farmed the farm for the entire family, more or less. The "Wynn Place" was also the home of R. E. Wynn and John Bundy kept it open for the family, which also housed Aunt Nacky and Aunt Jenny. He purchased land on top of a hill overlooking the Pond Fork Valley, and built a lake and started building a cabin on it so that the family could enjoy it for generations to come. But, he became ill and could no longer work on the place and not one person would pick up a hammer to fulfill his vision. He wanted to keep the family together, but everyone was busy with their own lives and the result is that the top of that hill is now a subdivision.
But, who wants to go back to Union County?
Well, when I recently went to a funeral I realized that there is value in keeping those relationships up. I have to do more to accomplish this because the troops are getting old, and the younger generations live far apart. Indeed I need to keep a stronger bond within my own family and with friends who mean so much to me.
The power of family is being lost in the world and I believe it is the one single factor that can bring sanity back into the world.