There is but one answer to every problem and that is "Work".
But, what is the "Work"?
This weekend I signed up for a three-day, 10 hours per day, seminar online. It was to give me the thing I was wondering about myself. It came highly recommended and was from a company with a good reputation.
I started into the realm of "self-improvement" and "self-help" about 27 years ago because I wasn't as far along in my career as I wanted to be. So this desire to figure out why I wasn't where I wanted to be, became a 27-year-long journey through the caverns of the "self-help" world of books, audios, videos, webinars, and seminars, and was pretty much done with the whole thing and thought I would give it one more go.
There is something about this area that has always bothered me and I hadn't figured out why. Now I think I know why. I think it is because the material and the "teachers" sort of treat you like idiots. What do I mean by that?
I mean that you are seeking 'help' because you need or want help. It is assumed you are either failing in life, don't know what to do, want to get better, or just have no idea about anything. If you follow that logic then in essence what is going on is there is an assumption that there is something wrong with you and you need fixing. It seems to mean you are weak and meek. Thus the language used is always sort of like they are yelling at you "Don't you see? (you morons) This is what you do, and if you don't do it you are a failure."
My issue with this is that I have come to the belief that there isn't anything wrong with people and at the very least those who are seeking "help" are really those who are wise enough to seek wisdom and are strong enough to accept instruction. So treating them as if they are imbeciles is downgrading and not uplifting.
What should be done is to lift those people up in what is wise and strong in them and give them credit for the incredible life they have led or in some cases endured up till now. For these people are loved, they are worthy, and they are humble.
So in looking at these "self-help" programs what I see are a lot of things to change how you are and not based on how to do something.
As a general rule, none of these people are licensed by any sort of institution or program. At least they never show that they are, and when they do they usually are outside of their licensing doing what they are doing. It is like someone acting as an MD, but isn't an MD.
It really roils me when these amateur organizations are critical of established licensed institutions as if "they don't know anything." They are critical of getting an education and getting a real degree. They make you believe that everything you have chosen in your life is wrong and that you should stop listening to professionals who have not only studied their discipline but have also been tested, reviewed on a regular basis, and are licensed by organizations that are there to guarantee the authenticity of the person doing the coaching.
If you ask me, this is fraudulent behavior.
So, among all of the types of things that one can do to better their situation in life, it is only "Work" that will 'work.'
But work on what?
Work on real skills. Learn real skills that are actually needed in the marketplace that are of real need. Not a bunch of esoteric mumbo jumbo, but real skills like what you can learn from accredited institutions like bookkeeping, accounting, cooking, law, plumbing, engineering, playing a musical instrument, designing, landscaping, beautician, electrician, mason, writing for a published content producer, acting, medicine, nursing, and the list goes on.
Become good at something...be the best at it. That is what the work is, not going around and having some pseudo-guru treat you like you are some sort of lost soul.
Along with this self-help industry, I include religions because there are a lot of scam artists in religion. The fact that being a "church" puts an enterprise into the tax haven of your dreams opens up a lot of possibilities for corruption. Besides that, some churches can offer a service to people that are in direct competition with real businesses in the community. I find this next to criminal practice. These services should be taxed as businesses, not as church functions.
Above all, I hate being preached at. Who the heck are 'you' to preach to me anyway. You don't even know me or my situation.
I guess the straw that broke the camel's back for me was the other night when one of these coaches was telling a young woman who had just finished putting herself through Veterinary School, had been working and had just bought her own home, to resolve the issues she had with her parents, who were stalking her and trying to get her to come back to them. She said that through the work of real professional psychologists and psychiatrists that her mother was diagnosed as a narcissist and that she should get away and stay away from them. This ass was trying to get her to ruin everything she accomplished to get away from the destructive and manipulative gaslighting from her parents by "getting back in touch with them and somehow say I'm sorry."
There was another lady who had recently divorced her husband of 20 years after many years of trying to get away from him and also suggested she do the same thing.
To me, that is malpractice. It opened up a door and helped me realize that this stuff is really just a huge waste of time if not downright dangerous and I am going to run away from such BS as far and as fast as I can. I'm done.
I remember back during some of my darkest days when I was having panic attacks, had depression, and was pretty much making bad decisions all around, I started my first therapy with a fully licensed highly trained Psychologist. She was absolutely the best. We unearthed many things about my life that made a lot of sense to me and how my confusion was a natural reaction to all of that subliminal training I had had growing up.
I was in bad shape, to be honest, and I asked her if I should take medication. She said, "You don't need it. There is nothing wrong with you." But I insisted and she referred a psychiatrist who then diagnosed me and prescribed medication...really...that I thought I wanted but in fact didn't need.
"There is nothing wrong with you."
That stuff screwed me up even worse and it took me a year to get off of it. If you don't really need something and take it anyway because you think you might and do it under supervision, then you are actually making things worse.
So, possibly this course I took had done its job. Maybe my newfound resolve was what I was supposed to get out of the experience. I think maybe it has.
I don't need to sit around trying to figure out what is wrong with me because there isn't. I am a confident, smart, bright, and happy person. I don't need to do all of this BS what I NEED to do is ...
"Work on what is real."
Solve real problems and move on to doing real things that make a real difference stop sitting around searching for clues because that is a never-ending process and then you are opening up the door to every Tom, Dick, and Harry that comes along selling you "The Cure" when you aren't actually sick, and besides, they don't have the cure anyway.
So I'm done and am going to move forward on my real projects and get better at doing real things. I've wasted a lot of time with that BS and now it is time to get back to work, get back to the world, and get back to living my life and doing what I love.