I’m gonna…

On the Rocks

I'm gonna...

"I'm gonna..." is a big lie. It is a lie to yourself, to your family and friends, and to the world.


Because it is in the future. The future isn't real. The future leaves room for putting things off till tomorrow. The future is beyond the scope of the possible. Saying I am going to do something in the future is like a pub owner posting a sign saying "Free Beer tomorrow." You can't drink it because it will never exist.

Yes, there is a vision. But the vision is in the present. The work to realize that vision is real today, now.

I'll never forget seeing the book "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle when it first came out. It was in the Business section of the bookstore. I assumed it was another one of those make-millions, power-hungry, and aggressive business books that I had come to roll my eyes at it. I didn't realize it was about spirituality until years later.

All it says is that nothing can be don't outside of the present moment. Pretty simple, very logical, and extremely real.

I guess that is why I enjoy writing or playing music so much. It is something I can do now and see an immediate result. It doesn't matter whether anyone else likes it or not, that is not my goal. My goal in music and writing is to enjoy the activity in and of itself. It is like playing basketball or golf. It involves you in the moment releasing you from distractions in a time that doesn't exist in reality. There is also work that gets things done is gratifying because it gives me an immediate result, like mowing the lawn or washing the windows.

The "I'm gonna..." effect has been in my life for several years. I have big ideas, always have had, and have always used the excuse that the distractions of life were the cause of waiting for a better time. So many things in life cause me to put my ideas on the back burner because of the immediate nature of these distractions. I tried to defend my time but the challenges to it were very real and in order to have consistency in my vision I need to be there 24/7 without interruption.

The fact is that the only way to get through life is to work on the things that mean a lot to you even during times of trouble. I admire people who can do that more than I can possibly express. I think it may be the only way to stay sane when life becomes insane.

In evaluating my situation at the present moment I have to ask myself a lot of very good questions and give honest answers to them. This is not for anyone else to hear or judge, but to get real with myself and my gut and be honest about what I am or am not able to do...now.

When I read my recent blogs I realize that they are mostly about my own issues. I'm not giving any more advice. Maybe I'll educate sometimes. The topics in my blogs are wide and varied showing a plethora of topics. Most of the reason for doing the blog now is simply thinking out loud. I doubt anyone reads this anyway. I don't care one way or the other to be honest.

In the beginning, it was about "adding value in the marketplace" to create traffic and grow a list of people interested in what my blog was about at the time. When I think of that now I just think, what a bunch of nonsense. I was trying to write someone else's blog, not my own.

So, when I sit here and reflect on my thoughts in front of the wide world I realize people are going to draw their own conclusions about what I have to say. I'm not in it to teach anything or say anything earth-shattering. The goal is simply to write now and publish now and enjoy working on the website as an extension of my life.

The end of the "I'm gonna!" is at hand! Thank goodness. I am burned out trying to do stuff in the future. You can't drink tomorrow's beer today.