Reflecting on the Prospect of a New Existence

Some of my blog posts are mere thought experiments and so it is with this post. I share it with those who read because it keeps me aware of the practicality of the things I say.

Life is made up of what is called in German "Lebensabschnitte" or stages of life. We exist in a certain existence for a while and then there comes a time of transition into a new stage of life. I am in transition right now and that is a good place to be.

The difficulty about it is that you don't know the future so the transition is always going to be a trial and error.

I am transitioning from "Caregiver" into a future that is not clear to me. Oh, I have ideas but what that ends up becoming is another matter altogether.

Before I launch into this transition there are several major things to be addressed when expressing gratitude for those who meant so much to my mother and father's lives and expressing my gratitude for the life I had that they made possible.

I will not name names here because I don't know if they would want that and want to protect their privacy. They know who they are. 

Living Angels

The difficult time at the end of life is only made tolerable because of the special people who were a part of that time.  These are the people I call "Living Angels".

First and foremost I believe it is fitting to thank those in the medical profession who cared for my mother and father with great expertise, care, patience, and empathy. The MDs, RNs, APRNs, CRNs, reception, lab personnel, billing and sanitary staff at both the Medical Center in Bowling Green, and the Graves Gilbert Clinic who did their difficult work under the pressure of Covid-19, staff shortages, and the threat of infection not only well but treated my father with cheerfulness and care. From the ER to the Hospice staff, everyone was just wonderful and I will forever be grateful for their great work. Yes they get paid to do that work, certainly not enough, but their work is actually "unbezahlbar", can't be measured in monetary terms. These are Living Angels in my book and are the hands and heart of God.

I am grateful for the insurance my parents had through medicare served by a reliable company which made things very transparent and understandable, for the most part. 

Secondly, I want to thank friends who called and visited when possible to see about Mom and Dad while being "rücksichtsvoll", or considerate of their needs. These are certainly "Living Angels". 

I especially want to thank the God sent woman who came to sit in for me and care for Dad so I could get away to relax, unwind, and run errands during the final weeks. Her care of Dad was exemplary, her wisdom and patience unending, and her hard work for me to care for him and the house during and after will never be forgotten. "There is no doubt she is a "Living Angel."

Lastly, I am grateful to have been able to serve my parents because of their support for me during this difficult time. My parents have passed from "Living Angels" to "Heavenly Angels" but they bless me and my family everyday with their wisdom and the legacy of their lives. They deserved to be well cared for and I was not only doing a duty out of love, but also out of obligation to them for making the life I have led possible. I was not always patient and could be "real" sometimes, but one of the major characteristics both of my parents exercised was immediate and complete forgiveness with each other and with us as their children. 

Moving On

I have taken some time this week to calm down, to relax from the stress and emotional upheaval of the past years, the past weeks and months, and also during the Funeral period. I am catching up on sleep, getting things orderly, writing Thank You notes, and am in the process of learning how to "live my life" again. I am grateful for this time of peace.

For those wondering about "things" I can just say that no decisions have been made nor will be made in the near future. We all have many things to consider before moving forward and there is the period of probate that is a good thing so that we take time to make good decisions. I pray that we do, that I do.

My future goals include simplicity, business, health and fitness, and reconnecting with friends and family after this period of my life but also in the wake of Covid19. My living situation is also to be determined. I'm leaning towards making Bowling Green, KY my home base, but spending substantial time in Germany/Europe as well, because that is at least if not more of 1/2 of my life. I'm still not exactly sure what I will call "home." I guess "Home" is where you pay taxes?

I have led such an amazing life, even with all of the ups and downs, and it is difficult to fathom that the future can be more compelling than the past but I am going to try and live a future that will make the pasts more and more valuable as I build the vault of golden memories that lie within me.