Emotions are an essential part of the human condition. They are the thing that determines the quality of our lives. No matter what happens in life or what conditions we may face, it is our emotions that dictate our experiences.
When I look at the balance sheet of my emotions I am confronted with the fact that I have a liability on the emotional bottom line and it has been this way for a long time.
The fact that our emotions are determined by our thoughts doesn't seem to bode well for my mind. Although I have long understood that my thoughts govern my emotions, thus my ability to govern my thoughts are obviously poor, I can't seem to shake the fact that I have so many negative ones. It almost seems as if everything I think is wrong.
The thing is that I have very little to complain about. Nothing actually. Yet, I find plenty wrong with the world around me. How can you not? It seems everyone wants the same things but people fight about stuff all the time.
It seems that a lot of my discontent comes from the religious theology that preaches good and evil, right and wrong, judgement and condemnation. We are taught that if things aren't right then it is someone's fault. There is someone to blame for it. We focus our discontent on who is responsible for those things.
There is a saying that a small light can force the darkness to disappear. But my experience has been that a small drop of food color can completely change the tint of clear water. It doesn't take much negative input to discolor my day and my emotions. Then it seems as if this constant state of malcontent becomes a natural part of who I am. Simply frustrated all of the time by the barriers to my happiness.
In many ways I am an impath. I feel the pain of others as if it was my own. That really makes me want to avoid situations where I see people in pain.
I've spent most of my life around beautiful, gifted, intelligent, and kind people. I found it difficult to keep up with them. But, when I am faced with people who exist in a difficult situation I am really affected by it. I don't want to be around it. It disturbs me so much that I feel how much pain people are in and I don't want to feel it.
Negative emotions are like a handicap for me. They cause me to become inactive. In the times when I am on a role I know that is a matter of time until something knocks me off my emotional hill. Getting stuff done when in a negative emotional state is next to impossible for me.
I really don't know what the answer is but I think the problem lies within the realm of expectations. I don't think we can expect anything in life. All we can do is build our own little lives the best we can and that happiness is seeing that life grow. Progress is the key I think. Get one thing done a day. That is really all we can expect to do I guess.